A man's house was on fire. He decided he would call the fire department. He got on the phone with the Fire Chief. The man was very frantic. The man said, "Chief, you have to get over
here, my house is on fire!" The Chief said, "Calm down, how do we get to your house?" The man said "Don't you have those big red trucks anymore?"
Why don't they take coffee breaks in Poland? It takes too long to retrain them.
Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor, but book publishers aren't afraid to have a chapter 11?
What did the apple say to the orange? Nothing, apples don't talk.
Did you hear about the blind man who picked up a hammer and saw?
A hamburger walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve food in here."
A farmer is milking his cow. As he is milking, a fly comes along and flies into the cows ear. A little bit later, the farmer notices the fly in the milk. The farmer looks up and says,
"Hmmmm. In one ear, out the udder."
What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover? The location of the dirt bag.
Why do they report power outages on television?
Why can't a chicken coop have more than 2 doors? Because if it had 4 doors it would be a sedan.
Have you heard about Ron Howard's new movie, a travel documentary about northern Europe? It's called "Mr. Opie's Holland"
Where does a one armed man shop? At a second hand store!
Did you hear about the cat who swallowed a ball of yarn? She had mittens!
What did the bald man say when he got a comb for his birthday? "Thanks, I'll never part with it!"
Why did God make only one Yogi Bear? Because when he tried to make a second one he made a Boo-Boo.
What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car? "Robin, get in the car."
What goes clop, clop, clop, BANG, clop, clop, clop, BANG? An Amish drive-by shooting.
Two blondes were walking in the woods. One said, "Oh look! Deer tracks!" The other one argued, "No silly! Those are wolf tracks!" They started fighting over it. Twenty
minutes later they were both killed by the train.
Why couldn't Mozart find his teacher? Because he was Haydn.
A snail is returning home late at night and has to cut though a dark alley. As he is passing though, he is mugged by two slugs. Later on at the police station, the officer asks him, "Can
you give me a description of the assailants?" The snail ponders this for a moment, and then replies," Gee, it all happened so fast."
An FBI agent is interviewing a bank teller after the bank had been robbed 3 times successively by the same bandit. The FBI agent asks, "Did you notice anything special about the
man?" "Yes," replies the teller, "He was better dressed each time."
Did you hear about the two silkworms who had a race? It ended in a tie.
A dog with his leg wrapped in bandages hobbles into a saloon. He sidles up to the bar and announces: "I'm lookin' fer the man that shot my paw."
A lawyer sent a note to a client - it said "Dear Mr. Hanes: I thought I saw you on the street yesterday. I crossed over the street to say hello, but it wasn't you, so I crossed back
over the street. One tenth of an hour, $15".
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "So, why the long face?"
A grasshopper hops into a bar. The bartender says, "You're quite a celebrity around here. We've even got a drink named after you." The grasshopper says, "You've got
a drink named Steve?"
Why is Turtle Wax so expensive? Because turtles have such tiny ears.
Why do gorillas have big nostrils? Because they have big fingers.
A skeleton walks into a bar and says, "Gimme a beer, and a mop."
A polar bear, a giraffe and a penguin walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What is this? Some kind of joke?"
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